as I was saying to myself…

I have come to accept that I am an introvert. It is the most dominant aspect of my personality and key to understanding who I am. I fully embrace and practice it quite often without hesitation or apology.

Looking back to my childhood I do not believe initially I was an introvert. Certainly not shy or withdrawn in any way, I was as outgoing as all the other kids. But that changed around the time I started Junior High School. Maybe my inability to deal with hormonal and other changes in my life pushed me in the direction of being a loner. It was a struggle as I clearly recall and resulted in my capitulation long before I graduated from High School. College was a four year emotional rebuilding process where I learned to function in society while beginning to realize the pleasure of choosing to be alone.

The stereotypical image of an introvert with her/his nose in a book or newspaper, listening to music thru headphones or out for a long solitary walk does fit me. Oddly enough I remember frequent interaction with others(church, school, scouts, neighbors, relatives) based on the encouragement and efforts of my parents, but they were the same people who provided a home environment where I first learned and for a long time practiced, until I was out on my own, being alone. (this was mainly reading, or inventing things to do, creating my entertainment in the absence of television) Reducing the needless clutter in life and focusing, really thinking alone, instead of having others tell me what to think brings a sense of calm.

Introverts are criticized for being self-absorbed. We don’t ask for anything special other than to be left alone at times. Just accept us knowing we come and go based on our own internal set of rules without asking anyone’s permission nor offering any excuse.


About Marcus

Who me? Introverted, neurotic, self-absorbed, increasingly cynical observer of human nature and part time social critic in hiding. Most of my life spent avoiding growing up. The naive idealistic passions of youth have evolved into the eclectic eccentricities of adulthood. Northeast Florida small-town native, related to people I can't relate to. Simultaneously my own best friend and worst enemy. Politically and spiritually unaffiliated, my personal ideologies put me all over the map or off it completely.
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5 Responses to as I was saying to myself…

  1. dearest_b says:

    What you describe doesn’t equate with the idea i have of an introvert. We probably all have varying degrees of it in our characters. You don’t seem to have any more than most other people.
    You invite discussion. Either through your online posts, or trying to discuss the books you read with colleagues.It often surprises me that you don’t get more feed back from what you write. Although it shouldn’t i suppose, knowing as i do, the nature of the beast.
    From what i see, you just have a healthy take it or leave it attitude to other people and their attitudes and opinions.

    • marcsuttle says:

      Ever go to a social function and see that guy sitting or standing off by himself? That’s me. The lack of comments is something I also find curious and somewhat frustrating (and by the way, thanks for noticing) because I see myself as much more open, lucid and coherent here than when I’m face-to-face with someone.

  2. Huh. I never thought of introverts as being self-absorbed. Fer real?

    • marcsuttle says:

      I wish I could’ve seen your body language and facial expression as you commented to know how to take it. (and no, don’t think I “took it wrong” if that’s the case)
      I think Introverts come in many varieties. I consider myself a “functional introvert” trying to stay in touch with the world (and people, but that’s another story) but ultimately feeling most comfortable when alone. I’m fortunate that my social skills work as well as they do even though they frequently betray me without warning just when I think things are going well. Then I retreat.
      When alone I “absorb” as much as possible from whatever surrounds me but do realize that too much internal focus (self absorption) is not a good thing.

      • Mildly surprised, since it’s not a perception I had about introverts. Maybe it’s my interpretation of self-absorbtion, though, which I’m equating with self-centered and that could be the issue.
        I love my time alone, but I am also quite outgoing and social.

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