“All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.” – Sean O’Casey

I began LiveJournal in mid-2004 after settling into the new routine of working from home after being laid off the previous Thanksgiving for the first time in my 25 year career. I took three months to relax before re-entering the same industry, doing the identical work I had before. During my down time I read and thought. A lot. So when I discovered LJ, I was full of ideas, observations, opinions and rants that continued over two years as I worked from home. Life in a “virtual office” allows for easy transition between work, hobbies, play, etc. and I attribute my almost daily LJ posting to this convenience. I had ‘Semagic’ (my LJ client of choice) loaded on both work and home computers and since I was here 24 hours a day it was a simple task to take any idea that crossed my mind and immediately begin working on turning it into an LJ entry.

But times have changed. A new job beginning the first of the year that requires I (willingly) commute an hour each way to and from Charlotte has apparently made other changes in my life I didn’t anticipate. First, and probably the biggest from a personal view-point, is my reading has fallen way off. Last year I averaged over two books a week but so far this year I’m struggling just to achieve half that. Another change, and my reason for posting here now, is I just don’t seem to have the motivation to post as much. I still have several ideas every day that cause me to stop and think that I should be able to develop the thought into a few sentences or paragraphs to be presented in my LJ but almost always forget what I was thinking about by the time I get home each day.

Last week as I was picking up my usual iced mocha from the Caribou coffee shop inside the Bank of America Corporate Center before heading upstairs, the lady at the cash register said during our chit-chat “I’m glad it’s Friday” to which I responded “I’m glad it’s any day.”

(Say what, Marc?) When did I turn into life-is-wonderful-happy-to-be-alive guy? Well I haven’t, or I don’t think I have but that’s my point. Something has changed and somehow I have become more comfortable with who or what I am and thoughts I have. Believe me when I say I still have the same usually pessimistic and cynical outlook about a lot of things but the need to write about them is just not driving me like before.

Enough of that…for now.

The current book I’m reading is ‘Party of One: A Loner’s Manifesto’ by Anneli Rufus and yes I’m seeing a lot of me in there. In my to-be-read (in this case re-read) pile is ‘Like Young:Jazz, Pop, Youth, and Middle Age’ by Francis Davis.

For those of you wanting to know what it was like to grow up white, southern and male with a dysfunctional (eccentric?) family in the 1960’s-70’s I recommend George Singleton’s various short story collections. I find myself easily identifying with much of what he writes about.

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About Marcus

Who me? Introverted, neurotic, self-absorbed, increasingly cynical observer of human nature and part time social critic in hiding. Most of my life spent avoiding growing up. The naive idealistic passions of youth have evolved into the eclectic eccentricities of adulthood. Northeast Florida small-town native, related to people I can't relate to. Simultaneously my own best friend and worst enemy. Politically and spiritually unaffiliated, my personal ideologies put me all over the map or off it completely.
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2 Responses to

  1. Interesting self-observation. I still like learning things about myself and think, perhaps, that it’s a pretty healthy thing to not be so comfortable with who we are that we believe we’re all done cooking.

  2. dearest_b says:

    I’ve come to thinking that writing it all out, is perhaps a damn good way of finding out who you are.
    Just thinking about how you should put down your own thoughts is great therapy and incredibly inexpensive into the bargain.
    Well, it absolutely worked for me.
    I don’t care if you don’t post everyday. Doesn’t matter really. When you do post, I always read it. Imagining you thinking it out while walking your dogs.
    People invest in you. They might not say so very often or particularly eloquently but that is what they do.

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