Why at age 50 and childless did I have the dream last night unlike any dream I’ve had before where I suddenly announce to anyone willing to listen I am to be a father? In this dream I had once made a deposit at a sperm bank and some (unidentified) woman successfully used my donation to become pregnant. I rarely have a rough time sleeping but last night was an exception. At one point I got up and chewed several Maalox. I think the dream occurred after the acid went away.

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About Marcus

Who me? Introverted, neurotic, self-absorbed, increasingly cynical observer of human nature and part time social critic in hiding. Most of my life spent avoiding growing up. The naive idealistic passions of youth have evolved into the eclectic eccentricities of adulthood. Northeast Florida small-town native, related to people I can't relate to. Simultaneously my own best friend and worst enemy. Politically and spiritually unaffiliated, my personal ideologies put me all over the map or off it completely.
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2 Responses to

  1. Could it be that at age 50, you’re feeling that the decision to be childless has now become permanent? Maybe that bugs you a little.
    Here’s a weird thought: Having kids has spiritually enriched me enough to be the sort of person who could have been content to remain childless. I’m not insulting my kids, either; I’m insulting my younger self.

    • marcsuttle says:

      There have been many times over the years when I realized I had acquired some sort of knowledge that I had wished my father had possessed so he could have passed it down to me. I usually felt some sort of frustration for not having my own kid to enlighten. Then I come back to my senses and remember I’m not having to worry about things like what i read about in today’s Charlotte Observer. Recently published 2005 survey of kids show in the previous 30 days-
      25% rode with someone who had been drinking
      42% drank themselves
      21% smoked pot
      In the previous 3 months-
      37% had intercourse
      In the previous year-
      30% were in a fight
      13% attempted suicide (say what?!)
      Times have changed. I wouldn’t have been able to claim any of the above during the same period of my life.

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