what’s it all about, al…

I’m beginning to understand one possible explanation for the so-called “mid life crisis”. It has to do with never having grown up. Feeling or acting like a kid when realizing that your idea of staying or acting “young” is based on a what you remember it was like forty years ago presents conflict. I consider most adults my age who I’ve known for any length of time to be boring old farts. They are so busy trying to act their age or set some sort of example for their own kids they have forgotten what it was to be young. Going in search of a “younger” crowd makes you realize that no matter what you say, do or think they look at you as one of those same boring old farts. Attempting to assimilate current pop culture has made me more nostalgic for what was. It makes me want to relive my youth as it was then, because I honestly think(and would argue) it was better then compared to now. But of course you can’t unless you want to be labeled or appear as some old die-hard hippie desperately out of touch with reality. Recently as I drove my nephew and his young friend on an errand, I just happened to have a Green Day CD in the player. Afterward my nephew told me his friend was questioning why someone my age listened to that type of music. It was the same when I was their age. Hanging out with my friends and finding out their parents were listening to the same music we enjoyed? (Ewww, that just not right. I wish they would cut it out because it is soooo embarrassing!…I still cringe today everytime I see any group of people older than me for instance proclaiming Elvis is still the king…wanting to tell them that we had a musician we called “god” would weaken my position overall)

So with me it isn’t wanting to trade in my 50 something wife for a pair of 25 year old models, getting plugs for my male pattern baldness, or covering all the gray in my beard. More like some sort of schizophrenia where I see myself wanting to be someone else and not knowing how to get there but at the same time knowing I’m someone else and not knowing how I got here. In the words of Vinnie Barbarino, “I’m so confused!”.

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About Marcus

Who me? Introverted, neurotic, self-absorbed, increasingly cynical observer of human nature and part time social critic in hiding. Most of my life spent avoiding growing up. The naive idealistic passions of youth have evolved into the eclectic eccentricities of adulthood. Northeast Florida small-town native, related to people I can't relate to. Simultaneously my own best friend and worst enemy. Politically and spiritually unaffiliated, my personal ideologies put me all over the map or off it completely.
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